


Catching Up

by adiduck (book_people)



Category: Girl Genius
Genre: Gen, Moloch's Life Is Hard, Multi, jaegermonsters, old fic (no longer canon compliant?), silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4726193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/book_people/pseuds/adiduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once everything settles, Agatha Heterodyne's chief minion seeks her out to find out what the hell even happened while he was apparently frozen in time. Unfortunately for him, he finds Dimo, Oggie, and Maxim instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catching Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic--actually, my first in the Girl Genius fandom! I posted it on tumblr about a year ago, before the plot line with the monks had really gotten going, and am just getting around to archiving it now. As such, it is a bit out of date, and (I hope) no longer up to my usual standard of writing. Please excuse!

It took Moloch about half a day to catch up to Agatha Heterodyne, after the town had (apparently) been unfrozen in time and he'd run out of things other people thought he needed to solve for them since (apparently) being frozen in time did not actually stop people from messing up things it was (apparently) too important to leave so he could _find out what the hell was going on_. By that point, of course, she'd taken her madboys and barricaded herself in a lab. This in itself wouldn't necessarily have been a bad thing, except there were a disturbing number of crashes and mad cackles coming from the other side for what was (presumably) an attempt to remove various parents from various people's heads, and also Agatha's jӓgers were standing outside the door and _grinning_ at anyone who approached.

Moloch sighed. "I don't suppose she'd be willing to come out and explain what happened between her being dragged through that door and... this." He made an expansive gesture meant to encompass the closed door (that had just jarred in a way that indicated Maxim was not so much leaning against it as holding it closed), the three jӓgers (who looked a lot more tattered and no less cheerful for it since he'd last seen them what felt like that afternoon and was in fact _three years ago_ ), and the empty hallway that was somehow managing to seem smug regardless.

"No ken do," Oggie answered cheerfully, leaning on his halberd and grinning even wider. "De Miztress seyz no one comez out or in until de schmott guy seyz so."

"De vun vitout hiz poppa in hiz head," Maxim clarified helpfully. Something shattered behind the door, followed by someone who sounded remarkably like Sturmvoraus shouting "GRAB HIM" and a crash that may or may not have been someone tackling someone else onto the floor.

"Right," Moloch said, and sat down outside the door. All three jӓgers went from grinning to frowning at him disapprovingly in sync. "I'll just wait until she's done, then."

"Hyu iz supposed to be helpink vit de clean-up," Dimo said pointedly.

"I've got Violetta handling the square and a few of the prisoners directing traffic around the Knights of Jove's clanks -- thanks for that, by the way," he said wryly. The jӓgers went back to grinning unrepentantly. "The way things are going, though, the moment someone finds me I'm going to have another collapsed square or four hundred spontaneous weasels to deal with, and then I won't have a chance to find out what happened until the middle of the _next_ spontaneously generating crisis. So, since this hallway is empty and you three aren't going anywhere to tell anyone, I'm going to stay here until someone tells me _what is going on_ , for the love of-"

"Ho, ve ken do det," Maxim interrupted, bowing forward slightly as someone who sounded like Agatha but probably wasn't slammed into the door with a shriek. He banged it closed again and planted his feet more solidly.

Moloch paused mid-rant. "... _You three_ can tell me?"

"Sure," Ognian said, casual as you please. "Dimo vas der de whole time, und ve vere all der for de fun part."

"Iz not a secret," Dimo explained. "Iz just odder tings to be doing." As though to punctuate this, something disturbingly like a howl started on the other side of the door, followed by Sturmvoraus shouting "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, SIT DOWN ON THAT BENCH AND SHUT UP OR SO HELP ME I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT."

Moloch blinked. He'd spent so long wrenching cooperation from the people around him in an attempt to actually get stuff done, that having someone cooperate was throwing him for a bit of a loop.

There had to be a catch.

"You're just going to tell me?"

"Sure," Maxim answered easily, "but hyu may vant to move a leettle to de left first."

At which point another jӓger barreled right over him with a snarl, Maxim dodging out of the way and bouncing off a wall to hit the attacker in the side.

Dimo jumped over and braced the door just as something thumped into it as Maxim kicked the other jӓger into a wall and, as he fell, stomped on his hand, which for some reason seemed to be going to Maxim's hat. Moloch stared.

"Det's three," he announced cheerfully to the hallway. Oggie produced a list and crossed something off. Maxim bent down and smirked at the other jӓger, who snarled half-heartedly and made another snatch at the hat. Maxim jumped back, grinning. "Hoy, hyu vant to get someting from de kitchens, since hyu lost? Ve heffen't had enyting to eat since de bettle."

Moloch rolled over and attempted to become one with the floor. Considering he was currently in Castle Heterodyne, this was a much more likely prospect than it would be normally.

"OW," Sturmvoraus's voice said through the door.

"STOP POKING ME THEN," returned Wulfenbach.

"DON'T HIT HIM, HE'S STILL INJURED," Agatha snapped, from what sounded like further in.

"De'll be at dis for a vhile," Dimo said contentedly. Maxim, apparently giving up on food, wandered over to take Dimo's former position on the left, tipping his hat at Moloch as he passed. "Zo. De schtory."

* * *

It was determined after some debate that Moloch would be most interested in the story beginning where Agatha appeared back in their time and place. Moloch was pretty sure that they could have told him "de borink bits" by the time they decided where to begin, but since the debate included phrases like "vall of thornz" and "tolkink dogz" and "det guy who vanted to be de Schtorm King" and "dose Wulfenbach bettle clenkz, dose vere fun, ve should tell him about those," he figured he'd gotten enough of a gist to know it was terrifying and he was glad to have been frozen in time for it.

The story therefore began with "Miz Agatha" showing up out of the blue and deciding that she needed to go to England to avoid Wulfenbach. Which... may actually have been the case, now that Moloch thought about it.

"Zo ve vere der for about four months," Dimo said, kicking the door closed again with the heel of his boot as he leaned forward to scratch the back of his neck, "end Miz Agatha hed to keep a low profile because de Queen sent soldiers efter her, so ve vere stuck inside this safe house end Miz Agatha decided det she needed to fix her medboy," Dimo explained. "Zo Miz Zeetha end Miz Violetta end I vould tek turns heeting her in de head vhen she took off de locket zo she could vork out how eet vas suppressing her momma, und den she built anodder vun for her schmott guy--"

"De vun _vit_ hiz poppa in hiz head," Maxim interjected.

"--so vhen he kem by she could put eet on him," Dimo finished, eying Maxim for the interruption.

" _She garroted me_ ," Gil snapped from right behind the door. " _Oof_!"

"Hy em tellink de story," Dimo complained to the door, despite the fact that Gil sounded like he was trying to beat someone off him and was probably not paying attention anymore. "und hyu vere fine enyvay. Hyu go end get hyu poppa out of hyu head."

" _Ouch_ ," Wulfenbach responded, or likely exclaimed, and then there was a dragging sound and a crash. Dimo, apparently unconcerned, turned back to Moloch.

"Zo, den Miz Agatha end her boy yelled et each odder about him coming vhen de Miztress said not to end Miz Agatha heffing to teckle him end mek him stop struggling zo she could put on de locket--"

"Keedz dese deyz," Oggie opined, shaking his head.

"--end den dey shot demselves away in de leb for a few deyz end, heh, vell." Dimo grinned and waggled his eyebrows. Moloch tried very hard not to picture what he was implying even as the other two jӓgers snickered. "But vhen dey came out dey hed a plan to free Mechanicsburg, zo det vas good, end hy hed gotten some good fights out of de pipple tryink to interrupt."

"Dey hed really nize hats," Maxim interjected, clearly envious.

"Hyu could try to tek dem end giff me yours," Dimo said, eyeing Maxim sideways with a smirk. Maxim glared at him and growled before stepping to the side.

"Oy, hy'm on de leest first, no fair," Oggie complained.

"Hyu ken't haff it either," Maxim snarled.

"Ho, ken't hy." Dimo rolled his eyes as a wrestling match started, and shot Moloch a long-suffering look. The look was partially lost on Moloch as he leapt to the side to avoid rolling jӓgers, of course.

" _Enyvay_ ," Dimo said pointedly, kicking the jӓger pile as it rolled past and scoring a pretty solid hit, if the _oof_ s were any indication, "Miz Agatha kem out und said ve hed to go to de moon to get a mirror of her momma's, vhich sounded like fun, but I still hed to convince her to come beck end pick up some reinforcements, since she vanted to go alone."

"Vas good," Oggie opined from his crouched position, even as he swung the halberd at Maxim's hat and Maxim dodged. "Ve tink Mester Bill und Mester Barry vent alone lest time, und det ended bedly."

"Unfortunately, she tok dese eediots," Dimo said, eying them pointedly.

"I... see," Moloch said, and wondered desperately if he could get _out_ of this story, having made such a stink about hearing it.

Which was the point when the unmistakable sound of a charging death ray started from behind the door.

" _Get down_ ," Moloch shouted, even as the jӓgers hit the floor a second before him, and then some sort of energy bolt blasted through the door, the wall, and the next wall, before finally leaving a large black circle in the wall beyond it.

"Not again," the Castle sighed, long-suffering, as Agatha sans-locket came sprinting out of the room, her madboys staring after her from their positions on the floor with startled expressions.

Sturmvoraus recovered first. "STOP HER," he bellowed, levering himself back to a sitting position and wincing, hand going to his chest. Wulfenbach jumped to his feet and made a dash to the door, intent on, from the bruizes Moloch could see, probably tackling and dragging her back into the lab.

Ognian got there first. Before Lucrezia could do more than blink at the suddenly materialized Jӓger to her right, Oggie had tripped her with the staff of his halberd and, while she stumbled and dropped the death ray, used the momentum and the flat of the blades to knock her right into Wulfenbach's arms.

Next second, Maxim and Oggie were using sword and halberd respectively to bar the hole in the door, while the Castle filled the holes in the walls with shifted stone and muttered and Wulfenbach wisely snapped the locket back into place on Agatha's neck.

"...I'll... go and get some wood to repair the door," Moloch sighed, picking up the death ray on the way.

"Hokay," Oggie said cheerfully.

"Den ve finish vhen hyu get back," Dimo assured him, already back on his feet and standing in front of the crossed weapons, presumably to act as an additional barrier to the lab. "Iz de fun part now."

"Ken hyu stop by de kitchens?" Maxim asked hopefully.

 _How is this my life,_ Moloch thought to himself sadly, and went to get some wood.

* * *

In Moloch's opinion, the best thing about the Castle being repaired (other than no longer being held prisoner in a crazy, broken Castle with a black sense of humor) was that, upon being given the right materials, the Castle was absolutely capable of repairing itself. All Moloch had to do was prop the wood up over the opening, and the Castle slid it into place quick as you please. The jӓgers, who had attacked a sack of what the Castle assured Moloch was perfectly acceptable fare for a jӓger even if it _did_ look like it was originally meant for a compost pile, didn't even glance up. Moloch wasn't sure whether or not to take hope that this meant he'd eventually get used to everything.

"I really am sorry," Agatha said through the newly-repaired door.

"That's fine, Lady," Moloch lied through his teeth.

"I know I owe you an explanation for everything," she said, "but we _really_ need to deal with the mind control while there's a lull."

"Understandable."

"It sounds like the jӓgers are catching you up anyway," she added, maybe sounding more amused than Moloch felt the situation warranted.

"Oh, that's alright, if you would rather tell me later I can just go and..." Moloch tried to think of something that absolutely required his attention right at that moment. "...check on how the cleanup is going in the Square."

"No, no, I don't mind if they tell you," Agatha said, definitely sounding amused now. "If Dimo's telling the story you'll get the important parts, anyway, and I'll fill in later if you want clarification on anything."

"But," Moloch said.

"Agatha, I'm ready for you again," Sturmvoraus called, sounding extremely distracted.

"Be right there," she called back. "I'll talk to you later. Thanks for all of your work, really!"

But," Moloch said again, but he knew she'd walked away. He turned to look at the jӓgers. The jӓgers grinned back.

Moloch sighed. "Alright, then, what happened next?"

" _Vell_ ," Dimo said, and grinned like a shark.

* * *

"Efter ve go und collect efferyvun, und Miz Agatha convinced Miz Zeetha und Miz Violetta dat dey should stay und help vit de odder keed who vant to be Storm King, Miz Agatha und her schmott guy heff to build a flyink machine to get to de moon base," Dimo told him, gesturing vaguely with what looked like a banana peel from his retaken position beside the door.

"It vas very fest," Oggie interjected, from where he was manning door duty. "It hed rockets on de bottom, und it blested a beeg hole in de platform de built it on."

"Und in de Knight of Jove clenks," Maxim added slyly.

"Heh, ya."

"Good timez."

"So ve go through schpace und get to de moon," Dimo interrupted them, "und everything vas lighter dere."

"Ve move verra quickly," Ognian explained.

"--und ve haff to vear dese big suits so ve ken get inside, und den ve need to find vere de air is so Miz Agatha ken fix it. But ve run into a gorilla construct."

" _It_ didn't need a bulky suit," Maxim interjected. "Zo it vas verra fast."

"End it vas more used to de lightness," Ognian added. "Dat vas a good fight."

"It broke Oggie's suit und crushed his rib cage," Dimo explained, "und threw me through three valls."

"But wait, wait," Moloch said, horrified. "How did you _breathe_?"

"Eh," Oggie said, "Miz Agatha got me a metal tank vit air in it, und den Maxim und I keeled de gorilla."

"Den ve go end find Dimo," Maxim told him.

"Hy vas knocked out," Dimo explained, sounding mildly disgruntled. "Und de helmet vas crecked, so Hy vas losing air too fest to vake up vitout Miz Agatha's help."

"Hy shared my tank," Oggie informed a horrified Moloch cheerfully. From beyond the door, someone started cackling. "Ho, dey sound like dey're heffing fun!" He slammed the door closed on someone's boot, and then slammed it again when the boot retreated with a curse.

"So den Miz Agatha fix us up really quick, und ve go do find the control room for de air again." Dimo continued, as Maxim commented to Oggie that something was leaking out from under the door and Oggie stepped forward to prod it with the end of his halberd.

"Don't touch de liquid," Oggie interjected, as the end of his weapon melted where it had touched the... substance.

"I thought they were working on the _mind control_ ," Moloch said.

"Eh. Three Sparks in de madness plaze in a lab," Dimo said, shrugging. "De'll fix de mind control too, hyu see."

"Und mebbe odder tings," Oggie said with a snicker.

"Hokay, so Miz Agatha's schmott guy fix de air vhen Miz Agatha iz busy vit us," Dimo, started again, "und den ve go und find de mirror."

"Ven ve turn on de air, though, lotsa tings voke up," Oggie said, grinning with relish.

"So ve got to fight as Miz Agatha fixed de mirror de vay she vanted."

"Hy keeled de most," Maxim said, showing his teeth in a smug snarl. "Hyu took de least damage vit de gorilla, so hyu had an advantage," Ognian complained. "Und enyvay, dere vere lots of leetle tings, so it vas easy fight. Hy caught up ven de battledraught keecked in."

"Und vhile hyu two vere playink vit de teeny monsters, _hy_ vas fightink dat geisterdamen," Dimo pointed out, smirking.

"Hmph, lucky," Maxim muttered.

" _Geisterdamen_?" Moloch interjected.

"Ho yez, she vas vasped, und den de schmott guy threw a bomb at her und she voke up," Dimo explained. "She helped vit de mirror."

"To clarify," Agatha's voice said through the door. "She did not _want_ to help with the mirror. _Got you_ ," she added, presumably to someone else in the room.

"Vell, yezz," Dimo agreed, as though he wasn't sure why that was relevant.

" _Unhand me_ ," howled someone in Wulfenbach's voice who may or may not have been Wulfenbach.

"No."

" _Ow_!"

"Well, then stop struggling! I'm not going to let your arms go no matter how much you pull."

"Hyu tell him, sveethot" Oggie called happily, knocking cheerfully on the door from where he'd retaken his position, straddling the hole in the floor where the substance had eaten the stone away and wearing the look of a man whose birthday had come early. Actually, all three jӓgers were wearing the same look. Apparently listening to their mistress threaten violence to one of her potential boyfriends was a moment to be celebrated.

Then again, considering how long they'd waited for a mistress at all, and then waited _again_ while she was presumably frozen in time with her city, maybe it was.

"Bring him back over here, Agatha, I think this may do it," Sturmvoraus cut in.

"Did you modify the connection to the crystal apparatus?" Agatha asked, voice getting quieter as she (presumably) frog marched Wulfenbach to whatever machine Sturmvoraus was talking about.

Moloch decided to bring their minds back on track or he was _never going to be allowed to leave_. "So they fixed the mirror and then brought it back to Mechanicsburg?"

"Ho, yez," Maxim said, refocussing on Moloch. "Dey fixed de mirror, und den ve all get beck into de flyink machine und come beck."

"Den Miz Agatha bounced light off de mirror und hit de bomb," Dimo added, leaning up against the wall and crossing his arms, "und ve all go in und head straight to de Storm King in der to giff him de antidote before he croak."

 _Finally_ , Moloch thought, relieved. They'd caught up to where he became aware of everything going _crazy_.

"Miz Zeetha und de younger Wulfenback vent to deal vit de Baron, since dey hed the best chence of making him take de anti-bug potion, though," Oggie added, casually. "Because dey are hiz keeds."

Moloch choked on his own tongue.

"Den ve hed to fall beck und fight de geisterdamen und de Knights of Jove, so Miz Agatha und Miz Violetta could get through--"

"Yes, and you made a mess of the Square, I know, I watched," Moloch said, rolling his eyes.

"Dat vasn't us, dat vas de Knights," Maxim protested.

"Ve don't fight vit bombs," Dimo explained, looking vaguely disgruntled. "Iz cheating."

"Vas fun, though," Oggie mused. The others made noises of general agreement, looking speculative. Moloch very quietly despaired. Just what they needed, jӓgermonsters with bombs.

Dimo shook himself and looked back at Moloch. "Hokay, so hyu iz caught up, den," he said.

"No, vait, he stayed in de Square to do de clean-up," Oggie pointed out, before Moloch could agree and beat a hasty retreat.

"No, no, it's fine, I know that part," Moloch assured them, waving his arms like it might be able to dispel any attempt to make this a longer experience. "They got there, they gave him the antidote, Sturmvoraus and the town were saved, the end."

"No," Dimo said.

"...No?"

"Vell, dey nearly didn't mek it," Oggie said, looking embarrassed.

"Ve got der vhile dey vere tryink to keep hiz heart pumpink so de antidote vould vork," Maxim said.

"Ve gave him battledraught, though, so it vent faster den it vould oddervise," Dimo assured him.

" _THAT'S IT. IF YOU MAKE ONE MOVE TOWARDS THAT CHAIR I WILL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND REATTACH THEM TO YOUR EARS,"_ Sturmvoraus howled. " _SIT DOWN ON THAT BENCH, STRAP YOURSELF IN, AND WAIT QUIETLY UNTIL I GET TO YOU. NOW._ "

"...I see," Moloch responded.

"He came through hokay," Dimo assured. "De teeth vill probably fall beck out und grow beck properly eventually."

"Miz Agatha voke him vit a kees," Ognian interjected. "Vas verra romantic."

"Und den de generals came in vit de Baron, und efferyvun vent to tok." Dimo said.

"Und Dimo vas promoted to general for real," Maxim added slyly. "Zo now he ken be bossy all de time und nobody vill tell him to shot up."

" _Hoy_."

"He told dem he vanted to stay on Miz Agatha's guard ennyvay vhile she's de Heterodyne, though, so he only hez us to boss around," Oggie added.

"...Ve still have to tell her she has a guard," Dimo mused.

"Und den Miz Agatha und de schmott guys schneak out und come here, und den ve guarded de door until hyu showed up," Maxim finished.

"And then I interrupted," Agatha said, from behind the door. "We've run through all the restraints, can someone go and get more? Preferably rope, please, the metal keeps melting."

"I saw some in the lab at the end of the hall," Moloch answered before his brain had a chance to catch up with his mouth. "...Wait. You've run through the restraints?"

"Gil kept breaking them, so we were trying to make them stronger," Agatha explained, as though this were a perfectly reasonable thing to do. "Thanks! Oh, could you bring something to eat, too? We're starving." The jӓgers perked up and stared at him hopefully. Moloch sighed.

"Right away, Lady," he said, resigned, as he started to trudge away.

As he rounded the corner to head to the kitchens, he heard her add "By the way, guys, I know I have a guard," followed by a series of loud and otherwise incomprehensible justifications that made her laugh.

And then there was the telltale _whump_ of someone falling to a stone floor, and someone shouting "Ow! Why is there a hole here?"

Moloch left before he could be made to haul rocks.

(He brought the rocks.)


End file.
